Day Eighteen:

Well I managed 17 days without cigarettes but did smoke one in a joint last night, I do not feel like I want to smoke today at all I think it was more to do with frustration of Shell buying the cigarettes behind my back in the first place.

I can’t blaim her or anyone else I smoked the damn thing.

I am promising myself never to do that again.

Hopefully my card will come today we are both really fed up with having no access to cash as I cut up the card, silly me.

Today we get some income it is just getting our hands on it. I am not going to reset my counter for smoking as long as I do not smoke anything at all I think that is fair enough.

I am hoping to be able to go shopping today and get a weeks supply of Turbo Express ingredients.

Nothing happened today as Shell went on a emo trip again and disappeared, smoked a load of fags and come home stinking she has been really emotional the last week and the fact she has been secretly smoking explains it.

Why she couldn’t just say hey I am finding this tough and let me know I have no idea she just did her name sake and Shelled it all up and said nothing as usual.

She is an even bigger liar than I first thought and todays actions just prove that she only cares about her self.

She says she had several cigarettes considering she had no money and only had two this morning where did they come from, I think she either spent Ambers money on more fags or begged people in the street either way she sucks.

I am fed up with her attitude and lies, time to move on.

I have not smoked anything at all and am feeling frustrated and bitter about the lies never mind I’ll get over it.

We never got any shopping Shell sulked and I cooked the kids dinner, I have really been struggling these past few weeks to get things done around the house, Shell just sleeps mainly.

It is 01:00am I am tired and humpy really struggled to get to sleep as I am so angry and hurt. I set the alarm before Shell came home only to have to get up and reset it after she had come home she never even locked the door, thanks love for making me struggle down the stairs to clear up your mess once again hope your fags where worth it.

The pasta she did not cook for the kids dinner still sits on the hob.

Even if I wanted to have my turbo today i.e I had the ingredients I would have still had to clean the kitchen from top to bottom just to make it, the agreements we had last week about the kids emptying the dishwasher have gone out of the window more of Shells lies.

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