Yesterday I did not get to post much as I thought that the lyrics said it all, I am still not smoking and no medications what so ever.
I fell out of my wheel chair and smashed my back into a radiator yesterday, man that hurts, my whole body is still suffering with shock and my senses are on hyper alert mode.
I really love Shell and am trying my best to forgive Shell and Darren for deceiving me, it has not been easy these last six days I am sitting here typing this down in a mix of emotions, the hatred, fear and anxt is extremely high when blogging this and I know I am strong enough to work my way through it.
I had a cards on the table chat with Shell last night and she finally admitted in a break down of emotions pain and tears that she was selfish, deceitful, nasty, carless and damn right didn’t give a shit about me herself or anyone.
Today she seems calmer after letting all that of her chest, I really want to help her heal and forgive her self a I don’t what to give up what we’ve got, I know Darren has been kicked out by his wife and his kids are really upset, this makes me sad as we are like family and now we are nothing more than bad memories.
I do hope that Darren is not killing himself in resentment and envy, I hope he can forgive himself and find the loving kindness in his heart to let it all go and move on.
If you do read this Dazza, please forgive your self.
This is so hard to say and emotionally I am becoming a stronger and better person for all of it, I just wish in hindsight that I had not treated Shell so badly and relied on her so much, the pressure she has had to put up the last year or so is insane we have been kicked out of our home, her dad died and there is me being in a wheel chair recently.
So yes I do forgive her for being weak and reaching out to someone as after talking to her last night, she felt trapped, isolated and alone.
I am making a promise to myself that she will never feel alone again and everyday since this has happened I have made sure she has felt me, really felt me and not in a sexual way just hold me.
I have made sure I look into her eyes every time we pass and tell her I love her.
I am now going to talk about the realms of religion and universal energies as the night before last I was touched by something pure, something good, something filled with pure energy and love, the next few paragraphs I try as hard as possible to describe this experience.
Things that freaked me out…
I felt an energy that pinned me to the bed and although I was frozen and pinned to the bed I did not feel scared, my whole body was consumed with light although the room was dark and my eyes were closed that is the only way to describe it.
During this religious universal experience Shell was locked in my arms, she also felt the love rushing out of me and into her, she described it as something that was beyond her understanding and was more than just feelings and emotions.
I have managed to have my Turbo Express and I also had an Apple and cinnamon drink, freshly juiced OFC.
I took a good look at Quantum Jumping today as I find this multidimensional interesting as I have had out of body experiences before.
15:45pm I have just lost the plot entirely, I have no idea what triggered it but all of a sudden I found my self in my bedroom smashing my face into the headboard of our bed it ripped of the bed and fell on top of me.
As I continued to smash the hard wood into my body Shell rushed in to find me crying and bleeding.
I don’t know what happened, I have hurt myself a lot and have no idea why.
I have damaged my right leg and made it even harder for my self to walk, my right arm is now so battered that I can hardly type, my face and forehead are numb with the pain but this pain I know is taking away my emotional pain I do not know what else to say about it except it felt good at the time.
Off-topic: Wow what a House, I am going to have one just like it real soon, I wonder if Naomi will donate it to me 😉
Loving Kindness, Loving Kindness, Loving Kindness, Namaste