Days 45, 46, 47

Dub FX Love Me or Not!

I have had an extremely eventful weekend and ended up in hospital in the short stay ward as the stress of everything got to me and I self harmed.

I got sent to hospital for a few days and had to see a psychotherapist, fortunately I am sane and was allowed home, they said that the extreme stress I was under was the cause, my wounds are superficial although multiple on my left arm, both legs and chest the doctor said my behaviour was perfectly understandable under the circumstances although hearing that does not make it any clearer to me although I don’t feel as crazy as I did do before seeing him.

I have follow up appointments, thankfully and relationship counselling this week.

I have a lot to write about and am not sure if I will publish it all or not.

I am going to continue as normal from today onwards.

I have an elastic band around my arm so I can ping it if it all gets to much as silly as it sounds it works, if any one out there reading this  feels like hurting themselves I urge you to first call the samaritans as harming your self does not only hurt you but every one around you, if only I had thought of that instead of selfishly just wanting to feel something other than my own emotional pain.

The samaritans have been extremely helpful and are there to listen not to judge you.

You can phone them 24 hours a day on.

UK: 08457 90 90 90

ROI: 1850 60 90 90

Branch Finder

One comment

  1. The rubber band thing works, as does drawing red lines on your arms. I think it helps to write it all out, just my opinion. We need you to write, those of us that hurt, we can relate to you and learn from you.

    I’ve learned, and sorry if this is upsetting, that part of healing is to learn to deal with the rejection that sometimes you get when you are honest. When you start talking about really hard stuff, some people can’t take it and they flee, but please don’t let that sway you away from it. Don’t let fear of judgment stop you. If someone judges you, well, do they belong in your life? I hope I’m making sense and not upsetting you, that’s not my intention. Courage is the opposite of conformity, absolutely. You must have courage to be yourself. You have to be yourself to get anywhere, to heal and grow.

    Go with the writing. The right people FOR YOU will stick around. Fear not. Go with it. As time goes on, the fear gets less, very slowly, yes, but then you will learn to be more confident and assertive and those hard feelings, the self-judgment, will dissipate, along with the urges to self-harm. XO

    Nothing you are writing about is silly!

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