Day Fortynine:

I am really getting behind with my progress but today is back on track XD.

Got up quite late today at around lunchtime, Shell had a private first appointment with a midwife as the topics to be discussed where not things I wanted to hear due to the affair, on a positive note everything is going well thus far although the literature and information Shell came home with from the midwife scared the life out of me.

Apparently due to her age she has a higher chance 1 in 105 of down syndrome and very soon we will be able to scan the baby to make sure everything is okay.

I have had a lots of bad images in my mind today of Shell and Darren, I am reframing them all and they are not hurting anywhere near as much, especially after our conversation we had recently about how used and abused she feels about the way he treated her.

She has not opened up to me before about this and I am pleased that she has, I know it is painful for me to hear her explain how he made her feel, she said that she felt disappointed she thought he was her friend, she felt disgusted, abused and that he is not the person she thought he was, but a person who’s only concerns where his own self pleasure and jealously of what we have.

In a way I wish I had never asked, but Shell has been more peaceful today I think that she really needed to let go of her hate for Darren as he clearly hurt her as well as everyone else purely due to his own selfishness.

Due to the nature of things she has had to have STI, and full blood work tests, results to follow!

I love you Shell with all my heart and soul and thank you for yesterday as we had a perfect day of loving kindness with the family and I look forward to many more of them in the future.

14:30

Shell has left to go back to the doctors as the midwife suggested she have a quick check-up.

16:37

I have just had a turbo and wow that feels good, Shell has been looking after me today as I am feeling low and due to the dank weather my body aches.

I just looked out of the window and noticed the sun rise above the clouds, fantastic I am going to sit in the garden in a while and just relax and be at one with nature.

Shell just got back, I keep bursting into tears today, I am not saying anything hurtful and am keeping the vengeance inside of my mind as after such a perfect day yesterday I do not want to spoil it.

One comment

  1. That’s hard stuff you’re going through. I can only say that I admire your determination and your integrity. You’ve got guts. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. XO

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