Fibro Haze

#Fibro - Awareness Day

Fibro Haze

Once again, I spend my days, floating in a fibro haze.
My minds a mess, my thoughts a vapour, I can hardly put pen to paper.
An indistinct or billowing mass, my heads in the clouds again; Alas!
A transparent word, not rude nor absurd, gives rise to a frowning aggravation.

Once again, I spend my days, floating in a fibro haze.
Vague, indistinct, is that right, I’m sure; I think?
Obscure thoughts fog my mind, until the perceived I suddenly remind.
Misunderstood flushes of trance, a waking sleep of sleight of hand!

Once again, I spend my days, floating in a fibro haze.
Withered and torn, wish not I was born, especially in the winter.
On a cold day, please go away, or I am likely to eat ya!
It’s not that I hate you, it’s not that I don’t care, it’s more like my mind, just isn’t there.

Once again, I spend my days, floating in a fibro haze.
Running on empty, without any diesel, that’s not an excuse for hurting people.
And why do you sit there, hating yourself, does not your family, not give you self wealth?
It’s cold out here, it’s dark and it’s lonely, it wouldn’t be so bad, if someone would hold me.

By Stuart Otway-Smith

An attempt to describe in poetry what Fibro Fog feels like, a symptom of Fibromyalgia / Chronic Pain Syndrome.

National Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Association
Mark the date for May 12 National Fibromyalgia Awareness Day!

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14 comments

  1. amras888 · April 5, 2012

    well said. I feel every word. You write succinctly, and that’s a great gift.

  2. STUART, that is SO GOOD, I just can’t even compliment you enough. I can’t manage to say something intelligent. The name got me right away, sounds so psychedelic. Fibro Haze.

    But oh the pain, I know. Those days…yeah, I know how you feel.

    Your poem made my stomach hurt. Not in a bad way. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s just empathy, understanding. I can feel your passion.

    Excellent!

    • Stuart Otway-Smith · April 5, 2012

      I’m sorry for causing you discomfort, non was intended.

      I thank you for your comments, both of you, perhaps the word without being vain to what you describe is Gob smacked! How can I be so self opinionated? !!!

      I am amazing myself every second of the day, I do not know where this all comes from.
      It is almost like my keyboard processes my mind and words just flow upon a canvas.

      My passion comes from living with Fibromyalgia, your friends can’t see it, your family can’t see it, your doctor can’t see it and know body can feel it but me.

      I hope that what I write allows people that don’t have Fibromyalgia to understand the symptoms, in the hope that family carers and friends alike do not react so badly to our misunderstood tantrums and mindless musings, but instead learn to not take it personally;

      We are just having a really bad hair day, Namaste.

      • Yes, that’s it. I can feel so well what you write that I feel like I’m right there with you. I am so awed by how you get it all out. There are times when it comes rushing out of me, but not very much lately. I am fighting it somehow, I know. And yet, that is what I meant to do, is let it out, for the same reasons you list, but lately I am numbed by something that obviously my brain is still trying to process. I think it’s the fear of my legs. Anger and fear. But when I get to read your posts I feel your feelings, so raw, and it helps. Zen will shut up now, don’t want to keep you up again. Ha, ha. XO

      • Stuart Otway-Smith · April 5, 2012

        Lol thank you, my legs are weak, but my mind is strong as is yours.

      • Legs, ugh. Yours, too. I am not alone. Thank you, I needed to hear that. Have a good sleep. 🙂

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