One Day I Will Wake…

We are not alone.

I only feel loved by strangers

As family and friends.
Try to make amends of frivolous frustrations.
My pen, my scribe.
I fear, I hide.
Feelings of condemnation.

A simply note of gratitude
Was all that it would take.
To make me feel worthy.
To live another day.

Unusual and surprising.
Your comments knock me back.
Why do I exist in someones mind?
It’s only chilling and black.

Is it that you can feel my pain.
From across the seas? Or poor you?
Wrapped in empathy.
Do you just pity disease?

I only feel loved by strangers.
As odd as that does sound
But if not for you.
I’d bury my head deep beneath the ground!

Although I do not know you.
I really must implore.
Your loving kindness surrounds me.
I admit, a feeling I adore.

Unpleasant sensations filling up my head.
Worsened by the night when its time for bed.
A hand of love grasps me.
It holds me close and tight.

Thank you fellow bloggers.
I rest easier tonight.
I don’t know how to say this.
But always know its true.

If not for fellow bloggers.
I know not what I would do.
Many thanks I give you freely.
My arms held wide open to you.

Thank you, fellow bloggers for all of your support and kind heart felt comments, caring is only about being there when someone needs them even if that someones a stranger and a million miles away.

Namaste friends, may all your days be filled with genuine loving kindness and joyous harmony, may your lives be free from enmity of mind and body, may you be free from pain and anguish.

Thank you for your gifts of caring, loving light.

By Stuart Otway-Smith

Goodbye Love

Goodbye my love, I am leaving you today.
It’s not that I don’t’ want you, but you did throw me away.
Like unwanted hazardous waste you tossed me, away from your heart.
But like a dying solider, to late I’m blown apart.

Goodbye my love, my heart it’s simply broken.
By the words you spoke, to my face, deceitful with intention.
There is no feeling when I hold you, but fear and cold condemnation.
Time has stopped, I broke the clocks, seconds only pass me loneliness.

Au revoir lover, bon appétit my friend, looks like we eat the words we reap again.
I came so far to loose it all, but in the end it doesn’t even matter.
I’m crazy, a lunatic, I’m mad as a hatter.
If you could take it all back and start again, it wouldn’t matter as it to broke to mend.

Pretentious me!

Pretentious me!

I loved you, you said it right back, was compassion that you lacked.
Then of you go to fuck him black and blue, pretentious me, pretentious you.
Deceit and lies apart of your being, stupid me for not seeing.
You don’t love me, you don’t care, you just want to feel what isn’t there.

I hurt myself till blood runs dry, I haven’t time for the tears I cry.
I did feel you, but know your affair makes me feel, I’m just not there.
It wasn’t passion, lust or desire, you just wanted to eat his wires.
Pain anguish and hate becomes me, it must be coz I am nothing, empty.

Trapped in a void of fear and destitution, Absence is the only solution.
Consumed by voices of my own doing, but their trustees ruin.
I shout, I scream, nightmares become my dreams, I witness the cruel scenes.
Over and over again, while you heckle and sleep with my best friend.

Artificial love plastic in design, I never see it coming, I’m simply far too blind.
His flashy flamboyance impressed, only took text to make you undress.
My pompous tantrums control my actions, it doth not give satisfaction.
He stole the best part of you, now its gone forever, isn’t he clever.

My talents are few, my words are bitter, we can’t fix this with glitter.
A new home, a new start, but disaster blew it all apart.
Nuclear explosions of soul and mind, burned skin is all that is left behind.
Turmoil of love unwanted, an assault of heart drips blood till dry sores swell up my eyes.

By Stuart Otway-Smith

Isolation

Here I stand alone again, waiting for the pharmacology train.
Misplaced by mistrust, thrown away among the muck.
I stare at the tracks, that bled my arms dry.
The only train to keep appearance, says destination goodbye.

I stand then sit at the station, I wait in anguish at the situation.
All the trains pass by me, there not for me to ride.
Quarantined inside my body, like a caged animal I solemnly.
Await for the conductor to call, my ticket of pain-free divorce.

Far away from buildings or places, out of phase I stare aimless.
At the faces that pass on by, so fast, without care, am I even there.
Cut off from the world around me, but I still feel the people surround me.
Will the train of destitution arrive, if not, how will I strive?

Like a diseased patient I lay in wait, a guessing game from a doctor’s fate.
Food to which I should not have eaten, side effects that fill my plate.
How do I change my state, it’s too late for contemplation.
So I isolate my self, from you, from me, and all that the world can be.

By Stuart Otway-Smith

An attempt to describe in poetry what Isolation feels like, a symptom of Fibromyalgia / Chronic Pain Syndrome.

National Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Association
Mark the date for May 12 National Fibromyalgia Awareness Day!

I’m an anachronism

I’m an anachronism.
I walk among you, yet you never ever see me.

I’m an anachronism.
Evolved in mind, yet thoughts impaired by that wisdom.

I’m an anachronism.
Wrong time, wrong place, wrong body.

I’m an anachronism.
We are but cavemen with mobile phones, I exist outside of my temporal domain.

I’m an anachronism.
Credits score life points, when all should only tally love.

I’m an anachronism.
Pop culture re-record similarities, burning sludge washes seashores animals.

I’m an anachronism.
Freedom declared for all humans, gold standards replaced by promises.

I’m an anachronism.
Humans hung up like products, by one get one free.

I’m an anachronism.
Corporations pillage, rape and thrash, I want someone to hug and hold me.

I’m an anachronism.
Starved babies die in anguish, would you like fries with that?

To move forwards we must always remember to look back.
Not to get stuck in the past or dwell on past misfortunes, but to learn from its mistakes and move forwards with synchronicity and serendipitous joyous harmony.

By Stuart Otway-Smith.

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Spasm Chasm

Ache-1437

Deep within a dark dank place, hidden from the human race.

I sit.

I feel alone.

The pain is deep and winding.
My muscles ache and twitch.
No drugs flow through my veins.
If they did, they’d only make me itch.

These oddities often manifest, quite simply on their own.

My legs are locked, my arms are torn, it even hurts to smile.
A locked jaw, I want no more, I’m no longer mobile.
A sudden jerk of pre convulsion, pain of mind without emotion.
A limb, my face, but no trace, left for anyone to see.

The abyss of fibres rip, without sound, people pass by unnoticeably.

The Spasm Chasm I not implore, consumes all of my being.
Although I feel it deep within, it’s not for all, too seeing!
On my own, I sit at home, without choice or empathy.
I really want this to end, it’s been like this days.

When will it end?
Will I mend?

My body, convolutes, a random dance.

Confusion of verse betrays me, Fibro Fog, belated me.

The mountain of stairs, not that there’s many, is simply to hard to climb.
It’s times like these that make me ache, with throbbing and pulsation.
Pins like bladed needles walk my back, where art though compassion oh great creator.
My words like medicine heal my soul, the Spasm Chasm has its hold.

This verse, full of gaping, nonsensical confusion.
This is how the Spasm Chasm consumes you!

My world, its illusion.

By Stuart Otway-Smith

An attempt to describe in poetry what Muscle Spasms feel like, a symptom of Fibromyalgia / Chronic Pain Syndrome.

National Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Association
Mark the date for May 12 National Fibromyalgia Awareness Day!

My heart is still aching

Love heart uidaodjsdsew

Guitar chords G / G major 7th / D / D major 7th / C / D

G                            GMJ7      D                   DMJ7
My heart is still aching, I don’t know what to write.
C                                D
Does it still exist? Is there anything left inside?
G                     GMJ7        D                       DMJ7
I can’t feel it beating, it used to beat like a drum.
C                                    D                          
All I can say is now, it doesn’t want to run.

Bedroom antics may have been the cause, I was simply far too blind.
To notice you slip away, was you only trying to hide?
But now our love is stronger, it’s all up to me they say.
To forgive you and my self, but I’m stuck in yesterday.

I know I must have hurt you, for you to do the things you’ve done.
But instead of holding you real close, I simply let you run.
The love I feel for you, is something I can’t hide.
It’s high up above the clouds, where angels reside.

Now that we are parted, although only for a while.
Hearing you when you call me, always makes me smile.
Forgiveness is in my soul, but torments in my mind.
How do I forgive you darling, when there’s torture in my eyes.

The only thing that keeps me going, is you and the kids.
I’m going to pin that thought promptly, to the back of my eye lids.
I’ve jump started my heart again, solely for you.
But please don’t ever shake it, coz it’s only held with glue.

I know that you can feel me, from across the shores.
When I wake up in the mornings, it is you that I adore.
I feel our love is beautiful, like a flower in full bloom.
Worry not my darling, I’ll be coming home real soon.

I’ll be coming home real soon, to oo ooo sooth you.

By Stuart Otway-Smith

MyFreeCopyright.com Registered & Protected

I miss you all my love, kiss our children for me and hug baby.

 

No matter what you’ve done

This is dedicated to our eldest daughter, whom since becoming a mother recently has suddenly become a beacon of shining light, an angel in the darkness, a person of honest compassion and loving kindness.

You bring so much joy and happiness to your Mum and I, even at such as distance.
Give baby a huge fluffy snuggle from us, we all miss you all so very much.

She sent me a message today and this came to mind so I wrote it down.

I’m so proud of her.

No matter what you’ve done.

I got a message today, from my daughter.
A memo that showed, all I’d taught her.
She said, spend time with the kids, and soon the baby
My Mum for heavens sakes, love her for ages.

Keep your chin up high, and stop moping.
Or her sister and her brother, would get lowly.
I know she doesn’t wan’t them, growing up.
With all the shit, in the back, of her garbage truck.

She continued to state, that a kiss and hug.
A kind spoken word, was just good enough.
Show a keen interest, in all that they do.
Then just like me, they’ll always love you!

It’s really a wonderful feeling.

When your baby gives advice that’s appealing.

You know that your job is good and done, 

When your child says; I love you Daddy!

No matter what you’ve done.

I got advice passed my way, from my eldest.
It’s not the first time at all, that I’ve heard this.
But coming from you, it makes all the difference.
I put your consultation, on top of my wish list.

I know sometimes what I write, it bothers you.
But sincerely I belay, my apology.
You’ve got your own family, to raise now.
Shouldn’t be worrying about, our break down.

If I could, I would gently rock and wake you.
From this nightmare, give you a hug and cradle.
I’m really very sorry, for the chat I type.
I hope that you forgive me, you made me smile tonight.

It’s really a wonderful feeling.

When your baby gives advice that’s appealing.

You know that your job is good and done, 

When your child says; I love you Daddy!

No matter what you’ve done.

I love you so very much my princess.

By Stuart Otway-Smith

MyFreeCopyright.com Registered & Protected

Communication Breakdown

Communication Breakdown

Our loves like a record, going round and round.

Mostly plays out smooth, but there’s a warping sound.

No conformity of ideas, so profound.

Conversation with you, it makes me frown.

Got my iMac, my beatbox, its criminal.
My iPhone, it rings like an animal.

There has to be away for us, to get it down.
My heart beats with bass, can you feel it now?

With you in my yard, I can honestly.
Make love, the whole of the holidays.

I know its true, you really want me to.
I can feel it when our bodies, are stuck like glue.

I feel your passion, oh what a feeling.
When my eyes are staring at the ceiling.

So I thought I’d tell, the Human race.
So they can feel our love, from outer space.

That you have, a special quality.
And all I wanna do, is Astronomy.

From the stars in the sky, you reveal it.
Your light of love, is so appealing.

It such a shame, that the only sound.

Within the silence, and the quaking grounds.

Is the sound of anger; frustration;

And resentment from a bitter situation.

Our loves like a record, going round and round.

Mostly plays out smooth, but there’s a warping sound.

No conformity of ideas, so profound.

Conversation with you, it makes me frown.

You met my brother, on Facebook.
I never give his chirp, a second look.

You seemed to like him, I was ignorant.
Inpatient, rotten and virulent.

As I sat there and watched you, drift from me.
I was stuck in my own world, of sodomy.

It wasn’t long, before the big mistake.
You handed yourself over, on a plate.

I thought there’s a chance, we can fix it.
Then pregnant you came home, to mix with.

Trauma and pain, with creation.
A life in the lottery of copulation.

It such a shame, that the only sound.

Within the silence, and the quaking grounds.

Is the sound of anger; frustration;

And resentment from a bitter situation.

Our loves like a record, going round and round.

Mostly plays out smooth, but there’s a warping sound.

No conformity of ideas, so profound.

Conversation with you, it makes me frown.

By Stuart Otway-Smith

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