Rainbow Spirit – Universal Lover – by Fantuzzi

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Foundation of self; Getting over the Despair of Existance.

Why we’re here is something that human beings answer by either using imagination, or by turning to what we can prove.  The idea that there was / is a being out there that created existence  is only cut short when you look through the eyes of science, the eyes of reality. Understanding that in reality everything we know as a species has happened through some hysterically deranged chance that life happened on a lukewarm rock floating in space orbiting a spectral class G2 star. We are a byproduct of millions of years of mutations that by chance let our species become top dog on this rock.

Mother Nature(a name given to personify the life that happened, to help buffer reality) crafted a couple things up to help us cope with the many problems we get ourselves into, and help us come together as a species to survive; consciousness, and intelligence.  Two things used everyday, but rarely kept in mind.

We are here, and we exist simply because of chance. Praise chance by going to the casinos once in a while. It’s more honorable a religion than praising any number of vengeful, and yet contradictory loving gods every Sunday by reciting a hollow prayer in a “house of God.”


Look Deep

So true, love of another is the ultimate giving that a Human can experience, in doing so we receive a perfect gift to be cherished and never let go of.

I love you, I love You; I Love YOU!

I love you, I love You; I love YOU!

But what does it mean?

love | ləv | noun

1 An intense feeling of deep affection:
Babies fill parents with intense feelings of love
Their love for their country.

A deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone:
It was love at first sight.
They were both in love with her.
We were slowly falling in love .

( Love ) A personified figure of love, often represented as Cupid.

A great interest and pleasure in something:
His love for football.
We share a love of music.

Affectionate greetings conveyed to someone on one’s behalf.
A formula for ending an affectionate letter:
Take care, lots of love, Stu.

2 A person or thing that one loves:
She was the love of his life
Their two great loves are tobacco and whiskey.

Great! We have a clinical description, but how does it feel?
Hmm, I’m a man, what do I know about love? Right?

Lets explore and find out…

I realised something whilst attempting to have a bath today, that made me pop out of it ASAP and hit my keyboard, this blogging’s getting infectious!

I ponder on lots of things, this ones lovingly constructive 😉

When you say; I love you!

Usually with a passing glance you say those words as a gesture of goodwill and companionship, they can even become a chore in certain circumstances unfortunately.

Such as:  After a lovers tif you humbly mumble, I love you under your breath, then proceed to slam the door shut and leave the building.

A response is expected but not always warranted or required.

Such as: See you later, I love you, as you hang up the phone.
Make the effort to mean it if you do say it, if not perhaps ask your self, am I even in love at all?

Upon receiving a response, you feel a comfort, a harmonious joy, that you are loved and cared for, hopefully the feelings mutual.

And that’s usually it my friends, however!

Do we all not want a deeper understanding of love?
Well, today, I was lucky enough to receive one.

Shell gave me a gift today, I shall treasure it for life and share with whom ever is listening.

Shell said; I love, I love you, I love you repeatedly, over and over again, each time she said it, I could feel it more, her voice became more gentle, genuine, compassionate, our eyes met, then pulled together like magnets, we gazed into each others eyes, I began to hang on every word, we kissed lips softly, our breath began to quicken.

This was my conclusion, the first time that you tell someone whom you love, I love you, your expectant, once they respond, you move to admiration and soon affection.

You are both now really paying attention to each other, “kick him off the TV”, looking into each others eyes, emotions start to form.

At this stage your ready to listen to them completely and are almost ‘under their spell‘.

Your probably feeling sensual and erotic right now, I know I was.

By repeatedly telling someone very close to you that you love them, you will find that each time you say it, a deeper, more passionate and stronger message will come across.

I am certain that repeatedly telling your partner, relative or dear friend that you love them today will get you the attention you require of them and make them feel wonderful in the process.

So go on, really tell someone you love them, by loving them as you say it, by saying it over and over.

Us Humans rely on multiple stimuli to process the world, so use what you have to spread your message of love, don’t waste it by tossing it from across the room, get in close, face them, hold their hands, let them know how much you love them by saying it repeatedly and with good intention.

Love you, Stu.

Wisdom From Alice, Age 108

Everything is a present

I feel incredibly grateful to have come across this moving video this morning.

Wisdom from a 108 year old (Watch the video)

Alice survived the concentration camps through her music, her optimism and her gratitude for the small things that came her way – a smile, a kind word, the sun.

Her attitude towards life is truly inspiring and humbling.

During her time in the concentration camp, she was determined to not only survive, but thrive.  For the sake of not only herself, but her young son.

Asked if she had any pain during her time there, she said no.  She said, with a smile, she was “always laughing”.

Her wisdom – “how can a child not laugh if the mother is laughing?”

I am truly humbled.


Thank you, I awoke this morning at 07:00 feeling so blue, watched this and although I am having an extremely tough time of it, this video puts life into perspective, music is my healing light and through it we can truly communicate universally, music holds nor bars and cares not your religion.

“We are not human beings on a spiritual journey.

We are spiritual beings on a human journey.”

– Stephen R.

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Day Thirtynine:

I really had a hard time sleeping last night even my emotions audio didn’t calm me as much as I had hoped it would, I held Shell tightly and didn’t let go until she slept, I caressed her face and stroked her hair gently.

Once she was a sleep I got out of bed slowly and headed down stairs, man these stairs suck, I struggle to ascend and descend them every day.

Once down stairs I sat and cried for an hour, switched on my mac and tried to just do something anything, to take my mind of my pain.

I ended up on the Relate website reading, reading and reading some more, this was a very painful experience and has made me extremely tender both physically and emotionally.

I am currently listening to Emeli Sandé My Kind of Love, over and over and have done for about an hour, for some reason I want to be sad, I want to feel pain and want to pity myself.

Am I healing or am I simply tormenting my soul further, I do not know, but either way writing this all down helps me let it all go, the stream of fears torment my inner being and infidelity howls laughter at me whilst I sleep, all I want is to wake up from this nightmare.

On a more positive note I’ve been asked to do a guest post about Fibromyalgia, I have to confess the prospect excites me.

Although I do not consider my self a writer I do enjoy the freedom that words give one to express your inner being, it is not recognition or fame that is wanted but the simple knowledge that your pain helped another heal.

My phone just reminded me that it is 11:00 and time for turbo, after getting this off my chest I feel much better and despite what others may think about publishing your thoughts and feelings I can honestly say that it helps you to release the hurt and pain instead of it encumbering you with ball and chain.

12:11 Darren contacted Shell by email today and said.

why have you told your own daughter you “know” the babys mine?….her own words by the way. Quite a statement to claim when I used a condom…how are you so sure?….stu claims his had sex with you since our big mistake…how are you sure its mine if this is the case?…unless stu is lying, or his using some “mind conditioning technique” or wat ever his desired method is to convince himself otherwise..his a bit duluded if thats the case…..if your so sure its mine, then did you pick the used condom up and put it back inside you? for wat ever sick reason, maybe you think if this baby is mine that I might want to be with you….sorry your very sadly mistaken…last women on earth and all that……your either gonna end up on your own or stuck with stu, either way goodluck with that………….i really hope it isnt mine…the thought turns my stomac to think it could be mine, and the sort of enviroment its going to be brought up in….lets hope for both your sakes its not mine…not sure I could allow the child to grow up around that….however if it isnt mine then obviously I wouldnt give a fuck…id have no rights would i.Any response would be good..if not just have to wait and see wat happends…guess next time u will hear from me will be via my solicitor if the baby turns out to be mine.

Was it all worth it then? Destroying everything, two families, hurting five children? and huge amount of close friends and family.

I guess you really do care about children, not hurting them, and clearly cared so much about Shell to not play the psychological games you accuse me off, I have nothing more to say, his words are so full of hate I never knew him at all as this persona is someone I have never even met.

All I can say in answer to this is you have really shown your true colours and despite the fact that what you write pains both of us it makes us stronger to know that you simply are not worth worrying about, thanks for your kind words and best wishes towards a new life, you have really shown what kind of Human you really are, I hope you find joy in your life, may you be happy truly happy, Loving Kindness Daren, Shell and I forgive you.

We had a good cry and had a hug and now we carry on our day knowing that our love is strong enough to survive and I will support her whom ever the father is.

Darren, May the light of love guide you when your path is shadowed in darkness.

I have to add that Shell has given up smoking and is now on her fourth day she has an inhaler thingy and has used it very occasionally I am so proud of her.

16:20 We had our relatives come over today with their crazy dog, lol it digs the garden up and wee’s every where, and would smash up and eat your entire house given a chance. It is a lovely fluffy husky with beautiful blue eyes, what a troublesome fellow he is though, they had been a bit down as it was his birthday and he felt a little down, we gave them twenty pounds as a birthday pick me up and a pot plant to cheer them up some 😉

Shell and I prepared the kids some salad lunch, tuna and sweetcorn, grapes and cheese; yummy! coleslaw and fresh bread and butter.

We have had a wonderful day regardless of the hate mails, yes we had some more and promptly deleted them.

The kids and Shell have gone for a walk now and that should tire out the kids some, we can watch a movie on Netflix now as the internet is working again it seemed to go down earlier for a while.

Despite the hate mail and sorrow that we are receiving, we love each other dearly and can both honestly say despite the pain, that this situation has made our family closer, stronger and more supportive of each other, we have all sat down and had a good talk on several occasions and we are all going to counselling starting individually from next week.

The kids have been trying real hard at home to keep the house tidied and their Sat scores prove that they are trying harder at school, overall with the excitement of our new home and baby on the way we are all very lucky.

There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt.
Doubt separates people.
It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations.
It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills.

Day Thirtyeight:

The day of Serendipity

serendipity |ˌserənˈdipitē | noun

The occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way:
A fortunate stroke of serendipity | a series of small serendipities.

Today as a fellow blogger puts it is a Pajama day I am absolutely knackerd from the walking I have done this week every muscle in my body exudes pain.

I am not getting dressed today and am going to spend the day chill axing and enjoying music, although I am in  an immense amount of pain I feel calm and still, Shell gave me a back rub earlier and took a lot of the stress and tension from me, I really need her to show me that she loves me now, the images in my mind are withering my soul.

Having a baby should be the happiest time of our lives and I am trying so hard to make it that way, I wish whole heartedly that the baby is mine and although I know the chances are very high that it is, the doubt in my mind is tormenting me and making it very hard to let go off all the pain.

Shell has just washed up and gone to pick up our son from school life goes on.

No turbo or exercise today but I have managed to do my emotions training it does help a lot and I am learning to control my brain, not it control me.

Shell and I had a big argument last night and said a lot of things to each other we really shouldn’t have, I am not going to go into it because it all started form nothing and neither of us where to blame, sometimes shit just happens.

Today we are both much calmer and have got a lot of held back feelings out in the open the truth hurts but once it is out you can heal.

It is a shame that some people still want to see hatred, that is up to them, but I am trying to not only lick my wounds but remember why they are there in the first place, if karma exists I must have acted extremely harshly previously in my life, there is no way out of that.

I do hope the other family involved are doing okay and are coping since they removed me from Facebook I have not been able to read their status updates, perhaps this is a good thing as it hurts to think of anything to do with my situation.

I have spent a lot of hours looking into Sensory Acuity and have been doing exercises to prepare myself for the NLP course in May, keeping focus on this and the baby is what is keeping me strong, we are looking into a private scan to get the conception dates as this will really help all parties involved and allow us to start planning and enjoying our baby.


We did end up making our turbo’s yippee, and after we had some ryvita and Philadelphia cheese with salad, we both helped each other make and clean everything.


Shell is now asleep on the sofa, she cleaned the kitchen, I got dressed and we made turbo’s together, my son always wants some, want your kids to eat spinach and celery? drink turbo’s and they will love it.

Before she fell asleep I put on the new David Gilmour album On an Island and gently caressed and kissed her belly, these are the magical moments that will keep us strong, as we clutched each others hands we just closed our eyes and reminisced in the moment.

It is times like this that make both of us know that we can get through this and we are strong enough to fight the demons and follow the path of the light.


Shell has been a sleep a while now and the house has got dark I have just noticed the time and cooked up some dinner for the kids, only beans and toast as it was late and they had ice cream and bananas for dessert.

Everyones settled down now to a movie on Netflix.

So it’s 00:42 tomorrow if you will, I have spent about an hour or so crying and dribbling on my self the day went great today and almost nothing went wrong, after Shell had a bath I got highly emotional and just burst into tears and stayed that way for about three hours, as I quietly sat on my own in the dark until now feeling sorry for myself.

Loving Kindness, Stu.

Day Thirtyfour:

Alicia Keys – Love Is Blind

Got an answer today from the NLP people informing me that I have been accepted on their 2 day scholarship programme, I am eagerly awaiting full confirmation and instructions to get started.

I will travel to London in May for a two day training session, it should be enlightening, entertaining and teach me a lot, I have been tested more than any man could ever dream of lately and am coping remarkably well considering.

Shell and I have a property to look at within walking distance of our current home, we live in private rented accommodation at the moment and this means that will have a more permanent home that we can make ours, unpack the boxes, decorate and settle down.

I have worked on the proposal for The Venus Project and they have had a meeting via team speak on it, I am waiting for the minutes to be typed up and published. I could not make the online conference as I was doing my Daddy bit at the Mother-in-laws.

Shell took a pregnancy test today and it came up positive, although we are both really scared as we are in our 30’s we are tremendously excited about the prospect of having a new member in the family, I said to her a few days ago jokingly I bet your pregnant only to find out that she is.

She also did a digital test that says it is 99% accurate she is pregnant and 92% it was within 14 days, thankfully that takes her past her affair with Darren, she promises they used contraception and I pray that is true because if the child was his it would be an even more fucked up situation than it is now, it will take three months before we can get DNA tests done to confirm anything, but in my heart I am sure it’s a girl and she is mine, my lil Andromeda Hope is what we will name her.

Whatever happens I will stand by her.

Personally I am certain she conceived on our night of light on Day Twentyfour:.

I am having to do some serious re-framing today and positive thinking is the only way I am going to get through the next few months.
We do have to confirm it with the doctors tomorrow, after all the tests are not always right, but after her doing two tests I have to say she is, how exciting!

Going to clean up the kitchen now and set up to make some Turbos as Shell, I and the kids are going to try to have some family time together this evening.

I am going to have to completely quit smoking although I have managed to get rid of all the medications, and haven’t taken any since I began this journey, I have smoked especially over the last few weeks.

I am only on three or four at the most per day and they are mainly cannabis for pain relief, but now Shell is pregnant we will both have to quit and that is that.

Emeli Sande “Maybe (Acoustic)” HD. Angel Studio Session

This is something very very special, Thank you Emeli for singing so beautifully and giving me the inner strength to carry on each and every day that I hear your voice.

it’s currently 04:29 I could not sleep, my mind is quite clear although I am somewhat tearful, listened to Emeli and then watched a two hour NLP video.

Loving Kindness, Loving Kindness, Loving Kindness, Namaste.

Before you speak…Think!

Before you speak…Think!

Before you speak...Think!