Rest in peace sweet angel

Rest in peace sweet angel

Rest in peace sweet angel, may your journey be most gracious.
Spread your wings, soar above the clouds, to many a destination.
Travel the cosmos, explore all of creation.
I will never forget thee, always in my heart.
Despite lack of corporeal, we will never be apart.
I spend this day most grateful, for the souls that I did start.
For life is but creation, and lessons must be larded.
And when I think of thee, dancing in the gardens.
Brothers and sisters by your side, not one of them discarded.
I know that you’ll be free, a freedom to explore.
The infinite creation of the universe and more.
Gentle with this knowing, I wipe away my tears.
having you look down on me helps ease away my fears.

Neuroscientists Uncover The Pain Source Of Fibromyalgia Fibromyalgia, a debilitating, chronic pain that runs from the neck to the shoulders to the lower back to the hips to the knees and affects millions of people world wide, especially women, is not an ‘imaginary illness’ scientists have discovered. Doctors were convinced that Fibromyalgia was more an imaginary and psychological disorder than an actual physical ailment. Breakthrough research shows that the illness is not imaginary and is actually caused by an excess of nerve fibers in the blood vessels. Fibromyalgia actually means “pain in connective tissue and muscles” and people who suffer from the illness report a variety of symptoms that occur at the same time: body pain, headache, sleeplessness, stomach problems and stiffness. Fibromyalgia symptoms American neurologists made the discovery when they tested the hands of non-sensory individuals by pricking a needle into their skin. They then repeated that process with people who claimed to suffer from Fibromyalgia and found that an exaggerated amount of a specific nerve vessel known as ‘Arterial Venules (AV)’ responded to the pricking. Up until this discovery, scientists were convinced the AVs were strictly responsible for controlling blood flow in the blood cells. But now the researchers know that there is a direct link between the nerve endings and widespread body pain. The study also explains why people suffering from Fibromyalgia have extremely oversensitive hands and other tender areas on the body. Thanks to the breakthrough discovery, scientists are now hopeful they can develop treatment and possibly a cure for the illness. Source: Pain Medicine, May 20, 2013. By Phillip J. Albrecht PhD, Quanzhi Hou MD PhD, Charles E. Argoff MD, James R. Storey MD, James P. Wymer MD PhD, and Frank L. Rice PhD. Integrated Tissue Dynamics, LLC, Rensselaer, New York, USA; Center for Neuropharmacology & Neuroscience, Albany Medical College, Albany, New York, USA.


After the storm that become me, I ripped the skin from my face.
I lit the cigarettes, burned myself, a bitter smell I can still taste.
I smashed my own head in, with bitter disgrace and anger.
Someone soon please help me, to leave the human race.
As I beat my head in outrage, couldn’t get out of the door.
I tried to fly through windows, closed that not shatter whilst I fall.
The cold glass was forced upon me, insane I feel of mind.
Her only hope to stop the hurt, was by me doing time.
Locked away and forgotten, I stare at the bright lights.
I only wanted to be alone, in your arms through scary nights.
But now I get caged up with only me to see, the torture it continues by abandoning me.
I’m soon to see the doctor, they try to make amens.
If there is a God, then the devil is his friend.
I’m so sad and lowly, who really gives a shit.
About my self harm and torture, self pity in my pit.
I really must be going, let’s bring this to an end.
My pain it’s own illusion, when all I wanted was a friend.

How deep is your depression?

How deep is your depression? Is it as deep as mine?
A mighty grip it holds me, tightly by the night.
Perhaps you may have noticed, its twisted rhyming game.
A winding shaded tunnel, with no stairs out which to climb.

It’s really dark and lonely, but your never quite alone.
You know it waits to haunt you, when your respite has no home.
Its blades puncture your skin, your own face drops your chin.
Or are you just full of sin? And torrential disgrace?

It aims to prod and poke you, whilst heckling its lies.
If not forgotten, all the hurt, all the pain, I’d be sure, be gone insane.
A wager from a whore, made me scratch out my own eyes.
Perhaps my minds gone rotten, personas hidden by disguise.

They say I’m rather mental, perhaps they may know this is true.
But all I ever wanted, a soft and gentle kiss, from a lady such as you.
Someone to love and hold me, someone who always cared.
Not someone whom taunt me, bled me, then made me oh so scared.

The man he knew he owned me, the drugs flowed for free.
But did he really take me, on that journey of sodomy.
Perhaps I’ve never wanted, money or fame.
But blood soaked tears, I shred for years, I feel I’ve done my time.

My crimes are long forgotten, was I even to blame?
I know my parents remember it well, the blue lights, the shame.
A degree I couldn’t pass, I ended on my arse.
With debt as high as mountains, then tears they flowed like fountains.

A battered wife, a tortured soul, a lifetime living on the dole.
No church, no place to call my own, I roamed lost and walked alone.
From place to place, an empty face, not part of the human race.
I hope you never understand, how it feels, without a helping hand.

I love you, I kill you, I’m talking to myself.
Don’t want a pension, or fake wealth.
I slowly slumber, into stealth.
And gently fall too sleep.

By Stuart Otway-Smith

Day Fiftyfour:

I couldn’t sleep last night I kept waking up gasping for breath, every time Shell touches me lately I get a cold chill succumb me, her icy touch has frozen my heart so numb that it no longer feels anything.

We had Chinese finally, well everyone else did, I was not really bothered about it and didn’t order anything, we tried to watch a film together but when Shells hand started to brush my leg I suddenly stood, went across the other side of the room to my computer and sat there in a solum confusion and stooped.

Due to the weather the last few days, I have been in agony, the pain in my legs today has made it extremely hard to move around, harder to use the bathroom as it’s up stairs.

I have been getting rather severe cramps in my legs lasting twenty minutes or so, these cramps come and go randomly, I have toppled over several times today.

Shell and I still are not talking, this has gone beyond a joke now, not only do I feel alone, even in my own house I sit alone in the dark.

Suffering with chronic fatigue today and can’t sleep, I am extremely run down and depressed.
I really can’t be bothered with anything much today, Shell has reduced me to a pittance of a Human wallowing in shallow pits of vile poisons.

Day Fiftythree:

Got up early again, I still can’t get to sleep at night till some o’clock in the a.m, yet I awake before the kids most mornings, if not only three of four hours after I slept, I’m so tired this week, in fact this month.

Around lunch time, Shell and I had a tiff, pointless argument, she is annoying me a lot lately.

She won’t talk to me, won’t write to me, she will have sex with me, I guess that is all I am worth.

The last day or so I do not really have any desire to get that close to her, just leave me alone to wallow in self pity.

Spent a few hours mixing lyrics I am starting to get the hang of this now, it is a shame my vocals sound like a bunch of drowning cats.

The kids came down and joined in with the mix we had some fun for little while making funny voices.

Shell slept most of the morning on the sofa, the more I write and beg for her to connect with me the further apart she lefts us drift.


I had a bath, hot water, thank you, it’s a shame that our water bill as we are on a meter is £1500 in debt, what can I do?

Without hot water I suffer, with it I can live a semi normal day, I wish I could transfer my pharmaceuticals bill I am not consuming anymore to pay for the energy and water.


Wrote an Easter Poem and watched some video.
Realised it was 2 hours long so posted to watch later 😉


Chinese, what a great idea, we all sat around chose what we wanted, isn’t great/


Chinese was shut!, fiddle sticks.


Looked up passion and my evening went tits up from there and I spent the night alone being ignored again, mainly due to me crying so much, I guess Shell is tired of it, and went to bed leaving me solo.

Believe me when I say I am tired of crying, hating, hurting, resenting and every other ing!
It hurts so much my skin stings like my entire body had been sandblasted, peeled then slowly dipped in salt.

Listened to Emeli Sandé shouldn’t have done that, very bad idea, I upset myself some more.


Had another bath and listened to some Solfeggio Harmonics, this was extremely calming.
After only about ten minutes or so of listening I found myself feeling much more at ease, relaxed and comfortable.


Blood Lust

Placebo – Pure Morning

Listen to the song then read the poem 😉

He clambered up the walls of sorrow, nails bitten to the bone.
Upon the tops arrival, a stone and mighty throne.
As the path of pity began to twist, everything he said.
He pulled his hair till skin was bare, and soon cut of his nose.

Tree and bark he beat and larked, was quite an act to follow.
He dribbled down with a frown, not caring for the morrow.
A silent sword then stabbed him, and revived him back to life.
What about the children, the neighbours and the wife?

With himself he thwart, a hurtful thought, of helpless jurisdiction.
The sharp was there, a slither; a tear; till done was his distinction.
He kneeled in tranquil leer, at the nether after.
Scarlet wine, I think its mine, until there is a plaster.

As time slows still, he sits there till, the numbness fades to grey.
Was not long till things went wrong and he got locked away.
If not for a lowly fellow, believing everything he said.
He’d be caged up like an animal, or a shot-gun to the head!

By Stuart Otway-Smith Registered & Protected

Day Forty Five: is what inspired me to write this poem.

321 Days ’til 40: It’s Okay (and Healthy) to Cry

321 Days ’til 40: It’s Okay (and Healthy) to Cry.

Dr. Steven Yen on Fibromyalgia Trigger Points (Interview)

Dr. Steven Yen on Fibromyalgia Trigger Points (Interview)

Dr. Steven Yen of Natural Fibromyalgia Treatments explains what fibromyalgia trigger points are, and some of the ways these can be treated.

Dr. Steven Yen has been treating fibromyalgia naturally, without the use of drugs or surgery for patients in his private practice since 2002.

Natural Fibromyalgia Treatment blog:

More about Dr. Yen:…

Download FREE Pain Relief CHEAT SHEET:

Other FREE Pain Relief resources:

Fibromyalgia Awareness

Related articles:

Day Fortynine:

I am really getting behind with my progress but today is back on track XD.

Got up quite late today at around lunchtime, Shell had a private first appointment with a midwife as the topics to be discussed where not things I wanted to hear due to the affair, on a positive note everything is going well thus far although the literature and information Shell came home with from the midwife scared the life out of me.

Apparently due to her age she has a higher chance 1 in 105 of down syndrome and very soon we will be able to scan the baby to make sure everything is okay.

I have had a lots of bad images in my mind today of Shell and Darren, I am reframing them all and they are not hurting anywhere near as much, especially after our conversation we had recently about how used and abused she feels about the way he treated her.

She has not opened up to me before about this and I am pleased that she has, I know it is painful for me to hear her explain how he made her feel, she said that she felt disappointed she thought he was her friend, she felt disgusted, abused and that he is not the person she thought he was, but a person who’s only concerns where his own self pleasure and jealously of what we have.

In a way I wish I had never asked, but Shell has been more peaceful today I think that she really needed to let go of her hate for Darren as he clearly hurt her as well as everyone else purely due to his own selfishness.

Due to the nature of things she has had to have STI, and full blood work tests, results to follow!

I love you Shell with all my heart and soul and thank you for yesterday as we had a perfect day of loving kindness with the family and I look forward to many more of them in the future.


Shell has left to go back to the doctors as the midwife suggested she have a quick check-up.


I have just had a turbo and wow that feels good, Shell has been looking after me today as I am feeling low and due to the dank weather my body aches.

I just looked out of the window and noticed the sun rise above the clouds, fantastic I am going to sit in the garden in a while and just relax and be at one with nature.

Shell just got back, I keep bursting into tears today, I am not saying anything hurtful and am keeping the vengeance inside of my mind as after such a perfect day yesterday I do not want to spoil it.