Tag I’m it!

The last game of Tag I had was a few years ago, it was with the kids outside our house in Winklebury, there was a huge lawn outside and the kids where playing with water guns!

I was tagged by Currie Rose =P lol thanks XD
I thought you would appreciate this so this is for you.

A Red Currie Rose

A Red Currie Rose


1. You must post the rules.
2. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post and then create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged.
3. Tag eleven people and link to them on your post.
4. Let them know you’ve tagged them!

The questions Currie Rose set for me.

  1. What is your favorite childhood memory? Going to Florida and having breakfast in the company of Mickey mouse with my mum dad and sister.
  2. If there is one thing you could change about yourself, what would it be and why? I would like to give my self the ability to finish what I start and be kinder, so that I achieve more and am a nicer person with more consideration.
  3. What is your favorite pastime, besides blogging of course? Playing guitar and listening to music.
  4. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? 46
  5. Do you like where you currently live? Why or why not? Yes it is homely and our landlord is great, new neighbours are a pain in the arse its to small and we are moving in a month or so to a larger property, this means the two kids won’t be sharing rooms any longer, YAY
  6. What is your biggest life goal? To own our own home that is environmentally friendly and self sufficient.
  7. What are 3 things you always carry with you? My heart, my sleeve and a shoulder to cry on.
  8. What is the one place you really want to visit? I really want to go back to Florida for a while, visit Richard Bandler for some NLP and then onto the Venus Project and of course I’d have to go to Disney World.
  9. Do you think the world is going to end in 2012? Only if my friends dog farts!
  10. What is your most embarrassing experience you are willing to share with the world? I once caught my willy in my zipper.
  11. What is your comfort food? Costa Coffee, Large Mocha Flake, Brie and Bacon Baguette, slice of Carrot Cake, OMG I am dribbling nom nom nom…

The eleven people I am tagging are in no particular order of preference, hugs!

  1. Maggie Mae For being the first blogger to follow me, and writing such heart felt poetry, I thank you.
  2. Wartica Thanks for being the first person to like one of my posts and giving me that little kick of confidence.
  3. stellamarr Does great work for rape victims and prostitution survivors.
  4. AMSDaily For providing wonderful positive insights.
  5. Risa Fibromyalgia, animals, mental health, Risa cares and works hard to help others she also lives with FM.
  6. Jodi Ambrose Your genuine, compassionate, humorous, flirtatious and a wonderful author, thanks for the giggles.
  7. 400 Days Till 40 This blogger writes fantastically optimistic and inspirational posts about life and nature.
  8. Photo Botos Wonderfully beautiful and stunning photography of the world around us and everything in it.
  9. The Change Your Life Blog Thanks Stuart for your passionate, inspiring and uplifting posts.
  10. Sending Joy Spirit Healer is a spiritual and loving Human with genuine loving kindness in her heart.
  11. zen and the art of borderline maintenance Last and certainly not least, thank you for your kindness wisdom and support, Hope your site move has Zen, Namaste.
The eleven questions I ask you to answer.
  1. What is your favourite colour?
  2. What do you find relaxing?
  3. Have you heard of Solfeggio Harmonics? and if not would you investigate?
  4. Are you environmentally friendly?
  5. If you could change one thing about your self what would it be? and Why?
  6. Do you think helping others is beneficial to society?
  7. If you could would you stop the use of money?
  8. Do you grow your own food?
  9. Have you got any pets?
  10. Are you living life to it’s fullest?
  11. Do you spread happiness and joy each and every day?


Nothing major, lets keep it simple and use Currie Rose rules above with the addition of.

I would like each of these people to find one post on each of the other persons blogs that interests them, comment, reblog etc…
But most of all say thanks then spread some loving kindness and peace and joy.

Social network right 😉

May all your days be filled with genuine joy and happiness, thank you to all of you for helping me towards my journey of achieving the attitude of gratitude and peace and harmony within.

Namaste, Stuart.

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Day Thirtyeight:

The day of Serendipity

serendipity |ˌserənˈdipitē | noun

The occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way:
A fortunate stroke of serendipity | a series of small serendipities.

Today as a fellow blogger puts it is a Pajama day I am absolutely knackerd from the walking I have done this week every muscle in my body exudes pain.

I am not getting dressed today and am going to spend the day chill axing and enjoying music, although I am in  an immense amount of pain I feel calm and still, Shell gave me a back rub earlier and took a lot of the stress and tension from me, I really need her to show me that she loves me now, the images in my mind are withering my soul.

Having a baby should be the happiest time of our lives and I am trying so hard to make it that way, I wish whole heartedly that the baby is mine and although I know the chances are very high that it is, the doubt in my mind is tormenting me and making it very hard to let go off all the pain.

Shell has just washed up and gone to pick up our son from school life goes on.

No turbo or exercise today but I have managed to do my emotions training it does help a lot and I am learning to control my brain, not it control me.

Shell and I had a big argument last night and said a lot of things to each other we really shouldn’t have, I am not going to go into it because it all started form nothing and neither of us where to blame, sometimes shit just happens.

Today we are both much calmer and have got a lot of held back feelings out in the open the truth hurts but once it is out you can heal.

It is a shame that some people still want to see hatred, that is up to them, but I am trying to not only lick my wounds but remember why they are there in the first place, if karma exists I must have acted extremely harshly previously in my life, there is no way out of that.

I do hope the other family involved are doing okay and are coping since they removed me from Facebook I have not been able to read their status updates, perhaps this is a good thing as it hurts to think of anything to do with my situation.

I have spent a lot of hours looking into Sensory Acuity and have been doing exercises to prepare myself for the NLP course in May, keeping focus on this and the baby is what is keeping me strong, we are looking into a private scan to get the conception dates as this will really help all parties involved and allow us to start planning and enjoying our baby.


We did end up making our turbo’s yippee, and after we had some ryvita and Philadelphia cheese with salad, we both helped each other make and clean everything.


Shell is now asleep on the sofa, she cleaned the kitchen, I got dressed and we made turbo’s together, my son always wants some, want your kids to eat spinach and celery? drink turbo’s and they will love it.

Before she fell asleep I put on the new David Gilmour album On an Island and gently caressed and kissed her belly, these are the magical moments that will keep us strong, as we clutched each others hands we just closed our eyes and reminisced in the moment.

It is times like this that make both of us know that we can get through this and we are strong enough to fight the demons and follow the path of the light.


Shell has been a sleep a while now and the house has got dark I have just noticed the time and cooked up some dinner for the kids, only beans and toast as it was late and they had ice cream and bananas for dessert.

Everyones settled down now to a movie on Netflix.

So it’s 00:42 tomorrow if you will, I have spent about an hour or so crying and dribbling on my self the day went great today and almost nothing went wrong, after Shell had a bath I got highly emotional and just burst into tears and stayed that way for about three hours, as I quietly sat on my own in the dark until now feeling sorry for myself.

Loving Kindness, Stu.

Day Thirtyfive:

Chumbawamba – I Get Knocked Down lyrics

What’s with mornings, I keep waking up feeling so down and isolated, the first thing I knew this morning was that Shell had just got back from the doctors.

She is defiantly pregnant and there is no way at all to tell who’s it is, we can’t DNA test the baby until it is born nice one Darren and Shell you might be new parents of a child, I bet you didn’t think of that whilst your lust succumbed you.


Karen came over and gave Shell some support she also offered her a cigarette, why do that? She is pregnant? Of course Shell smoked it, sigh, she did get some patches from the doctor and said that was her last one, yeah right.


Shell has gone to get Brent from school, I had a hissy fit this morning although I tried so hard to stay calm and to some point I did, I kept splurging out crap from my mouth, it seems to run on auto pilot sometimes as I don’t mean what I am saying and haven’t even thought about it, just pure mindless noise spilling from my guts, it is as if the nicer and kinder I am the more shit comes from my mouth, from my unconscious.

I have no idea what to do now, how do I wait nine months to find out if this baby is mine or not?

How do we get past this now?

The only way I can do this is to trust my senses and instructs, they say this baby is mine and a girl, I don’t know how I know, I just feel it.

Every time I doubt it I get a huge image in my mind saying this child is yours and everything will be okay, the light will guide me.

Is this just my mind trying to cope and defend itself  from the massive emotional trauma I am suffering now or damn right foolish denial? It could simply be apart of the healing process I must endure, I am not  bad person I am trying so hard to cope.

We have both booked up counselling and I start first next week, it would be good to just get all this hatred, fear and pain out of my head.

I feel my whole world has fallen into a bottomless pit, as I spin further and further out of control I loose my mind, my spirit my soul.

I have lost most of my so-called friends and have no one I trust, this blog is my only sanctuary to let my emotions loose, this is how I am trying to heal myself as I am all alone and only have my self to talk to and to blame.

Then there is Jade, poor Jade I feel so much for her, I can feel how much this has hurt her and I am staying out-of-the-way for now, I do not want her to hurt anymore than she is, Jade is Shells daughter and I am her Step Dad, I really do not like those words she is my baby to me and always will be.

Shell and I have hurt her so much and caused her to feel jealous and resentful, she is also receiving a lot of hatful words from her Dad towards Shell and despite the fact he may think she is not worth the shit on your shoes it is wrong to say these things to your daughter about their Mum, no wonder Jade is feeling mentally ill when all she needs is love and support and told everything will be okay, not hate, I am sorry Jade that we have caused you so much more pain but please understand that the people around you are also making it worse by filling you with envy and hate by what they have said.

It is also wrong that he keeps thinking it’s okay to send Shell hate mail via Facebook grow up and stop harassing us and Jade, you may think you are protecting her and I honour you for that but stop using your hatred for Shell to hurt Jade.

15:00 The Police just knocked on our door and made me turn down my music the thing that annoys me is the officer and I where talking over the music to each other as I had not even turned it down yet, our new neighbours are not full of loving kindness and clearly are rather selfish people, they have continually banged on my wall the second I put on a single tune, without my music I am lost.

17:17 due to my sadness and damn right depressive nature today I have upset Shell and due to todays post have probably hurt her feelings, I have been selfish today and have only been concerned with my own emotional state, I feel so empty, like a void of nothing skulking in the shadows.

I have failed, I just took 2x Tramodol a while back and feel a lot calmer, the pain in my back has resided some what and I can feel the morphine rushing through my whole body, the Fibro Fog has cleared, but I know that this is temporary and is putting me backwards.
There is only four left and when Shell asked me how many I took in a frenzy of self hate I told her it had nothing to do with her and just sat on the floor and sulked.

I am sorry my love for not being strong enough to cope with all of this, despite what my senses and instincts tell me I am battling my mind and today, in fact he last few days, the doubter, the whiner, the procrastinator, the looser in my head won the race, and I never even heard the starting pistol fire.

I sit alone in the dark and silence waiting for my mind to pacify, as I meditate and calm myself urges to just hurt myself distort my reality.

I pray for forgiveness, I pray for good health, I pray that I am strong enough not to break, not to fall, that my inner loving kindness can shine and blind the darkness, Namaste.

“If you’re going to kill me, at least please tell me why!” Emeli Sandé

None of the secrets of success will work unless you do!

None of the secrets of success will work unless you do!

Day Twentyseven II

What happened to a day? Day Twenty seven disappeared.

Something strange happened to the blog I didn’t loose much as regard to what happened with my daily progress but lost a whole post about Horus, ho hum…

Been getting up very early, I have never slept more than three or four hours per night, I struggled to sleep last night I had a cry about the pictures in my mind, I still see Darren hugging Shell and saying goodbye as he left that day, the images are so vivid I can smell her perfume and hear the music that was playing in the background, I really have a huge amount of sensory acuity / imagination and after doing some listening exercises last night that included listening to different people snapping their fingers together whilst you sat with your eyes closed and guessed who did it, I confirmed that.

I must confess that I have really good eyes, I hear things others don’t, see things others ignore and sense  people’s emotions and feelings, it is almost as if hiding your self from me makes it easier for me to read you.

The first few steps I have taken on self-studying NLP are going well and I honestly feel that helping people using my acute sense of perception just might be what I should have done anyway.

Everybody has skills mine are learning quickly adapting to situations, noticing the minutia and building the big picture from it.

I tried some reframing of the bad images and feelings by trying to change the voices to silly ones, turning the pictures black and white and making them smaller and more distant whilst putting something else in that storage area, if you will, it has worked although I did release some tears but I never got caught up in the emotions, just let it go.

Turbo time soon the juicing is still really helping me i can’t believe I never did that sooner, juicing has made me feel more vibrant and alive, I have a lot more brain and mind power and body-mind energy.

Still smoking a few cannabis cigarettes a day, I wish I could ease this neck, shoulder and spine pain, sometimes it drives me nuts, I still have not taken any medication what-so-ever but still feel like I have let my self down with the smoking as little as I am doing it at the moment it still bothers me that I was weak enough to do it.

Shell and I are doing okay I feel that we are healing together, I must admit she has been somewhat down the last few days, I have been up and down self-esteem wise and drop to crying on occasion.

Overall most of the time I can hold it all together and feel good that I am managing to carry on with day to day things and still keep a smile on my face, after all our kids are still with their Mum and Dad and every thing here is continuing on as normal as normal can be.

Got a confirmation via email today from the NLP Scholarship people to say that they have received my application and their board is in the process of reviewing it, ten days waiting time now how exciting!

The Venus Project, Paul McKenna and Richard Bandler are all in Florida, I love Florida not been there now for many years but have visited lots of it and would love to see more, I still have an American Indian Belt made of Buffalo Leather and a Pewter buckle that has the faces of a Cheif and brave adorned upon it, wow that brings back some great old times.

I remember seeing the Challenger go down, yes I was there at Cape Canaveral as she ploughed to the floor rest in peace and we thank you for risking everything in the name of Human evolution.

Time to go back to Florida me thinks, I wonder if The Venus Project needs any game designer volunteers?

It is 20:15 I have spent an hour or so laying on my back doing some mental muscle relaxation techniques, the agony in my shoulder blades is making me angry and frustrated, I had a headache earlier and was very worried it would turn into a migraine, thankfully I managed to calm myself down and lay and relax, I used noting to note my experiences and tried to be at one with the pain, do not change it or try to avoid it, let it be and it will fade.

What I need is physiotherapy and a programme of exercises that can retrain my muscles and strengthen them, I am going to the doctors on Thursday but expect to get know where as the NHS have no idea how to treat Fibromyalgia at all the pain clinics talk to you for a while and prescribe anti depressants, they do not consider a simple nutritional and exercise regime and even if they did the NHS simply does not offer that kind of treatment and only provides plasters.

They are not interested in curing people or preventive medicine, but the amount of profits and taxes that can be collected form pharmaceutical sales.

Loving Kindness, Loving Kindness, Loving Kindness, Namaste

NLP Basics

I am currently grabbing as much free knowledge and information as possible on Neuro-linguistic programming and attempting to teach myself what I can as to prepare for the scholarship, although I have no idea yet if I will be accepted, this is something I have set my mind on doing, I have used these techniques to heal my self over the last few months and am hungry for more.

I know that the events over the last few weeks mean something, I feel my life moving in a new direction and am excited at the prospect of meeting Richard Bandler, albeit I do not have thousands of pounds I need to train with the best, I know if I have an achievable goal I can take small steps towards it.

There are seminars in the UK that I can go to that would only cost hundreds of pounds.

Funny the way the world works I have rediscovered The Venus Project and both Richard Bandler and the VP are in Florida.
I love Florida it has been such a long time since I went there that it seems like I never had.

Maybe I could volunteer for the project and kill two birds with one stone.

I am going to post tidbits of information for my reference on this page, feel free to ping-back as I will be updating it regularly.

Sensory Acuity NLP

Links I found useful during my journey

Free and paid courses:

free-nlp.co.uk (Awaiting acceptance * terms and conditions etc…) Monday 12th March 2012
Paul McKenna
Richard Bandler
Malcolm Huxter (Buddhist Meditation) I put this here because it really aids self-healing and enabled me to trance to begin with.

I will add his completely free of charge audio tracks after I have checked the relevant permissions, other wise I will simply link to them instead.

Information and reference:

Neuro-Language Development And Exactly How It Works
Neuro-linguistic programming (Wikipedia)

NLP Training

I have toyed with self-help, hypnosis and NLP techniques for some time now and it is time to actually move forwards and take it a little more seriously.

I am going to start learning NLP, I am certain this kind of self-help is the way forward, it is not only a way to heal and better your self but a passage way that evolves you into a better human being.

After the training I will be able to help others heal, with loving kindness and NLP I will have the power of healing light.


  • Master your own emotions and run your own mind
  • Gain ‘instant confidence’ and motivation in a wide variety of situations
  • Access your unconscious learning ability at will
  • Change unwanted behaviours in yourself and others
  • Techniques that remove unnecessary fears and phobias
  • Discover your true potential
  • Create better working and more satisfying emotional relationships



“Start small think big” Me

If any one happens to have £12,000 so I can jump right in and become fully qualified just throw me a mail.

Have an idea how I can raise the funds please also let me know 😉

EDIT: Licensed Practitioner of NLP is only £2388.00 and is where I need to start so I only need 10% the amount is cash I thought I needed yesterday NLP is working it’s wanders already =)

The light works in strange ways but always has direction.